EWA JA DI IS MIJN PORTFOLIO, GEK HE!?!?!
I’ve been thinking about moving the blog to either Tumblr or Blogspot, but I’m not sure yet. Could work out perfectly fine or not at all, like I got anything to risk.
Last night I was in Amsterdam. You probably think I was either smoking weed or seeing hoes. I wasn’t, I was just cruising around with some friends. We got bored of our own city so we made a trip to Amsterdam all off a sudden. We didn’t have a plan or whatever what we were gonna do, we just wanted to visit the KFC. Besides the KFC, we could go and check out some stores and see the hookers. The rest, we can do that in our own city as well.
We went to KFC first, after that we checked out some stores and then we made a small circle around the red light neighbourhood. We just wanted to say we’ve been there, but the moment we were about to leave the district we saw a young black male with a blonde stripe in his hair approaching. He was accompanied by a bald woman, and they both looked quite panicked. They walked up to us asking if we had a weedcard. They heard there was a new law where you had to be 18 and you got to be in the possession of a weedcard in order to buy weed. Well, they didn’t have a weedcard. We didn’t really realise who we were talking to until an older man came around the corner while shouting ‘EYY WIZ, AMBER! WE TRIPPY MANE! YOU SAY NO TO A WEEDCARD, JUICY J CAN’T!”
We then noticed we were talking to fucking Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose, his wife. Our mind switched immediately, we had to supply them with weed, we had to. So we told them to follow us to the nearest shop. We waited at the front door when one guy stopped to ask Wiz and Juicy for an autograph, we spoke with the man. We told him ‘First you got to get him weed, then you’ll get your autograph’. That did it, we supplied Taylor Gang!
Wiz then gave us one million dollars as a gift so we could plant our own seeds, harvest our own plants! Fuck, I was dreaming! DAYM!
I’m back with some celebrity shit! Yeah that’s what y’all been on the look out for. I mean, my personal stories ain’t shit compared to what I make up. There we go bitches
Lately I’ve been hanging around with promoters, tour managers and all those people behind the screen. It’s way more interesting than talking to the artists themselves. All they say is “I love ma’ moms” “Money above hoes y’feel me?” “Fuck the fame, I want money man!”. Most of them aren’t that clever, they can write a whole track without a problem though talking is hard, strange.
There’s this one rapper though, he has everything. He’s muscled, extremely intelligent, raised in the hood, big money, fame and a huge reputation. It’s clear to me we’re talking about the headphones guy. You know, Dre. Beats by dre, remember? If you don’t know the man off of his tracks, just by his headphones, you suck. Dr Dre is besides Pac, the one with the biggest reputation without releasing any albums or whatever.
I was talking to Dre, just after he hung out with Ice-T for his new film. We spoke about the game, him during the production of a new track. He told me he’s fucking annoying to all rappers he records with, as he wants is to be beyond the stage where the rapper thinks it’s good. So one day, he was in the studio with Kendrick Lamar, recording ‘The Recipe’. Kendrick, known for his lyrical strength, wrote a verse in no time. He rapped, but Dre wasn’t satisfied, he wanted to get to know Lamar better first, he had to enter his mind. They went playing basketball together in Dre’s yard. They were just talking about their youth as they’re both from Compton. Kendrick showed his huge admiration for 2Pac, and Dre told a couple stories about Pac.
Pac once was performing in LA, the crowd went nuts. The adrenaline was pumping trough his body and it made Pac go crazy as well, one moment he suddenly sacked his pants and showed his ass to the whole crowd. The whole crowd froze and didn’t know what to do, so they just remained silent. Pac, still overdosed with adrenaline was still in the mood to party so he was shouting to the crowd. They didn’t react so Pac grabbed for his dick as he suddenly pulled out a Glock and fired 2 shots in the air. Everyone went crazy, though Pac made sure everyone was okay and down to party!
Could be true, right?
What’s been up man? I’m trying to get a steady crowd if you know what I mean. I need to have people who keep checking the blog, follow the blog and share the blog. Tell it to your mates that you’ve found this awesome site. You could as well not give a fuck about what I’m saying and wait till I finish writing stories, that’s an option. Oh by the way, I’ll get to the celebrity thing next story again, this one turned out to be without a celebrity, weird.
Well yeah, I’ve had a blast this summer as I mentioned a few times. I wanted to zoom in a bit on the part where I was in France, one wild thing I experienced. We were at a campsite and made a lot of friends, we had a group of more than twenty young people which we hung out with. We could all get a long pretty well. You will always have those stand outs who just don’t fit in, but everyone was in the holiday mood. During the holiday, you hang out with people you would never even consider hanging out with at home. That’s the beautiful thing about going to campsites for me.
We, the whole group, did the same thing every day; Wake up at your parcel, either go to the swimming pool, ping pong table or the ‘hang-out’ spot with a few chairs and a table. That’s where we met, spoke and just relax. We didn’t do that much every day. Some days we got bored and had spontaneous plans: “Let’s climb the mountain guys!” “Why don’t we go for a hike” “Let’s go to the beach” “Shall we head over to the nearest village?”. Those things made it fun as well, the short trips as on the campsite wasn’t that much to do. The campsite was in the middle of nowhere, so if we wanted to go somewhere we had to make plans. There were no options of going out to a bar or so, as there weren’t any nearby.
One day we went over to a nearby city, a quite big one. We were with just the group, no parents. We were having a good evening on the beach. After a while I had to go for a piss and 2 other fellas accompanied me. We walked a while when we passed an empty bar. The bar was empty, though the lights were on, the music was on and it looked open. We walked in and sort of inspected the place, we opened the fridge; it was filled with alcohol. We didn’t want to get caught by police or something but we did want to have a good night. We took one bottle of wine, put it in a bag and rapped a plastic back around the top as we walked out totally innocent. We tried to remain our pokerfaces and ask at another restaurant if they could open the bottle, they could. We walked up to the rest of the group at the beach and showed them the bottle. They started laughing as they moved a little sand and pulled out about 10 bottles of booze. They told us fucking Brad Pitt walked by and gave them 500 bucks to have a good night with.
Well, I wasn’t dreaming this time. They were dreaming, that’s for sure.
I’ve been on the low this period, had to recover from all the crazy things that happend during the past months. Specially the summer, though I’ll zoom in more on that later, I might.
Anyways, the thing that immediately pops in my mind is the meeting I had a few days ago. There were 2 artists, who are together in a so called ‘Bromance’, who travel around the whole world to sing about two black males in the capital city of France. Strange enough, every digs the song and the whole crowd goes nuts. I heard about the 2 and I went to see them. I pretend that it was easy to get these tickets while actually I had to go trough some rough times, including fighting with tigers, so yeah that’s what’s up!
I arrived in Arnhem, where the concert was in a big stadium which actually is the stadium of the worst soccer team off the dutch division., but that doesn’t matter that much. So I entered the stadium and waited for the show to start, which took 2 hours. No reception, no internet connection or whatever, 2 hours of staring around the massive stadium watching it getting filled by the minute. When the show finally started, both Kanye West and Jay-Z wore T-shirts with sayings on it, but the lights weren’t on, so no one could see what was on them. After half an hour of songs, suddenly all of the lights went on for 30 seconds and Ye & Jay stood there, next to each other. They stood still, so anyone could see the message on their shirts, I was shocked. Flabbergasted. On their shirts stood an invitation to me, to meet them afterwards, how awesome is that?
After the show a security guard approached me and signed me to follow him, so I did. We walked, and walked, and walked and then we arrived at a dressing room. Well, it was more off a house to me, but they called it a dressing room. I opened the door and there they were; Ye & Jay. We spoke for hours and I asked them about their song ‘Niggas in paris’, they both burst out laughing. Later they explained their inspiration come from Paris Hilton, they imagined doing naughty things to her, at the same time. So yeah, that would be, niggas in paris….
Later on we went to visit Paris Hilton, they handed me the camera and told me to record it all. They wanted to shoot a video clip of their track niggas in paris, if you know what I mean. Fuck, it was a dream, like always….
I told you I was going to Spain, and I knew what to expect as it was exactly the same campsite as last year. Though, this year was different. I already knew some people on the campsite as they were there last year as well, but I always make new friends and I’m always on the look out for some good looking girls.
As I was walking around the campsite, saying hi to a couple friends while checking for new peeps. I suddenly noticed a really handsome girl, she looked familiar. We had eye contact for a while and then she was out of sight. It became dark, and I went to the hang-out spot, and I saw the same girl again. My friends noticed her as well, and they were already trying with her, but she didn’t show any interest, until I arrived. Suddenly she started talking about herself, and she wanted to know more about me. We spoke for around an hour when she had to go to bed, I pretended I had to go to the toilet. In fact, I walked with her to her tent, but we went to the beach.
As we arrived at the beach she told me something I already knew, her name was Miley, Miley Cyrus. I didn’t want to think about her as the famous, spoiled singer, I wanted her to be the sweet good-looking girl I had been talking to for the last hours. We sat on the edge off the water, held hands and finally we kissed. She kept whispering in my ear ‘I can’t be tamed baby, I can’t’. That was quite scary to me, although I ignored it. I didn’t know she was leaving the next day, as she had a performance in Barcelona, unfortunately.
We went back to the campsite and she invited me into her caravan where we… Wait it was all a dream, again! Damn!
You know, Olympics and such. I’m not an athlete or something like that, I’m fucking awesome but they didn’t let me qualify for the Olympic games this year, I’ll try it again later on. It was in London, England relates to London, right? Yeah it does, if it doesn’t for you, go see the doctor!
So I took the plane, Amsterdam to London Airport. When I got off the plane I saw a group of people and the front one was holding a sign ‘Frexxxel’, So I walked up to them and we got into a conversation. They saw me as their hero, they heard my music and they knew all my lyrics. They invited me over to their apartment, I could stay there as long as I wanted to, for free. They even made me breakfast, lunch and dinner, choice was made quite easily. I was in London for the Olympic games, as I had to catch up with a few friends, they’re in the nation teams you know. So yeah, I went to see basketball, hockey, football and of course beach volleyball. I enjoyed myself, spoke with the coaches, they knew me as well and I knew them. In my early years I used to be in their squads, so that’s why.
When I was watching the beach volleyball match, England versus Spain, I was hyped. It was really exciting as both teams were on the same level, none of them topped the other. England made a point, straight after that, Spain made a point, and so on. It was absurd, and you had to win with 2 points difference. It was 234 against 234 in the last set and England made a point, so they had a match-point. The coach asked for a time-out and they rushed into the dressing room where they stayed for like 5 minutes. When they came out, one of the team members slipped and hurt her ankle, she couldn’t play no more. Someone had to take her spot, or England lost the game! Then suddenly someone started shouting in the audience, no one knew where it was coming from as it wasn’t that loud. Everyone got quiet and suddenly we heard where it was coming from, an old lady walked up the field in a snobby outfit, you could see she was a wealthy woman. As soon as she came closer, I realised who it was, it was Queen Elizabeth! The Queen, your majesty took the spot and the match continued. Elizabeth served and it went as a straight rocket over the net, it was unblockable! England won!
After that when I left the stadium I heard Elizabeth shouting my name, asking for my phone number! Hold up, never mind it was a dream!
What’s up?! This is Frexxxel and you’re watching ThisIs50.com! Got my man Jack Thriller sitting next to me, you know the dude with the fake eye, I’m going to ask him a couple questions! I wish it was like that, he isn’t even asking me questions and you’re not watching ThisIs50, you’re reading my blog, Wagone!
The only true part was the 50 part. Me and 50 grew up together, we’ve always been cool. When we were younger we used to do everything together, we chilled in the playgrounds and got known on the streets. I wasn’t that cool actually, 50 was. I was 50’s best friend so that made me cool, somehow. We went to the same school and were in the same class, we actually did everything together, we just didn’t live together, that’s it. In class we made our teacher’s lives a living hell, we threw pencils, pens, shot paper balls trough our pens on the school board. We did whatever so the teacher got pissed off, but we knew when to stop. We always continued till the moment the teacher was about to snap and send us out of class straight to the principals office. We lost contact when we went to secondary school as we both chose different schools.
I finished my school and I had no clue what happened to 50, until one day I turned on my TV and switched to MTV. I saw my best friend rapping there next to half nude woman dancing on his beats. It was crazy to see as I never noticed 50 was down with that kind of music, we never really listened to music together. I wanted to get in touch with my old friend again, see what got him that far, so I tried. But after a while I thought it was a waste of effort and time, my old friend got shut down from the world, his label took over. They told me ‘You’re not his real friend, you’re just one of the others claiming to be his friend just to get the opportunity to chill with fitty, get some money or lean on his success’.
As I told before my reach is quite width as I chilled with Rick Ross before. Rozay was in a beef with 50 before but as I was a good fella off him, he ended the beef specially for me. Then a couple weeks after that, Ross gave me a call ‘Yo Frexxxel, come over to my place, I’m here with my man fitty’. So I rushed over to Ross’ place and I finally got to meet my best friend after all these years. We spoke for hours, and he offered me a spot in his management. I’m now his tour-manager, damn!
You know his headphones? Sleek by 50, yeah that was my idea! Never mind, it was a dream, fuck!
So recently I’ve been checking a couple news sites, which I never did before, I just read the newspaper. And I saw this weird thing, Frank Ocean, the singer of OFWGKTA, Tyler The Creator’s label came out of the closet, well he isn’t gay but he’s bisexual, same shit for me to be honest. So yeah I read a few articles about it, and fell asleep.
I hopped in my car the other day, just to go to the supermarket. Had my family coming over in the weekend, so I needed some food, drinks and all that. Well, when I was at the supermarket’s parking lot, I suddenly noticed a black man dancing on the middle of the parking lot. He was carrying a boombox on his left shoulder and making the most bizarre moves I had ever seen. It was entertaining though, after a while a crowd started gathering around the man. And then later on, one noticed the man dancing, was actually a singer. A world-famous singer, damn! Suddenly everyone noticed and started shouting and rushing to Frank, Frank Ocean. Everyone tried to get the best pictures and videos and shouting for that signature, but all Frank did was dancing. People pushing each other against cars, on the ground and getting into fights, but Frank kept dancing.
After an hour or so, when more people left and I had bought my groceries, a big white Hummer V3 parked on the parking lot. A skinny chinese looking guy stormed out the car followed by 4 width-chested bodyguards. He jumped onto Frank and tried to seduce him while shouting ‘NO HOMO, NO HOMO’. All Frank did was push him off of him, threw a few punches on his face as he knocked him out with a kick and walked off dodging the bodyguards. I approached Frank and got into a conversation with him. He wanted to tell me about the girls he has been with, but I though to myself ‘Didn’t you announce you’re bisexual like days ago?’. So I told him ‘Man, weren’t you gay?’, he got mad and knocked me out as well.
Well, that might have been a dream as well, yeah it was!
You see that picture above you, you must know who that is! You don’t? Well, it’s Rozay, Rick Ross, a big, fat, pot smoking, rapper. Whenever I look at that picture, it reminds me of the little gathering Ricky and I had a while back. He invited me over to his mansion, and of course I passed a few Maybachs while driving up his property in my Ford Fiesta. Kinda embarrassing, don’t you think?
So anyway, I rang the doorbell and Rozay opened the door with one hand while holding a bucket with the other one. It was a bucket made of steel, stuffed till the edge with chicken, fried chicken straight out of Kentucky, that Kentucky Fried Chicken! First thing I thought ‘Yo fatass, pass me some, you’ve had enough’, but I didn’t have the balls to actually say it out loud. I mean, imagine what would happen if he took a sit on top of me, daaaaamn! But the funny part didn’t even come yet, I asked him if I could have some of the sweet, oh so tasty, in heaven made, chicken. He just nodded at me and gave me like a follow sign, so that’s what I did. We entered a room, which was completely empty except for a small pole with a button on top, he motioned me to push it, so I did. All of a sudden the whole room changed into a KFC restaurant. I stared around and couldn’t believe what I was seeing; Crispy chicken, topless employees with tight red shorts, huge sound installation bumping ‘Rick Ross ft. Meek Mill – Black Magic’, tables packed with towers of dollar bills.
And then the sickest thing was that I got to.. Never mind, it was all a dream!